


What Would Scooby Doo?

by Beltenebra



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kis-My-Ft2 (Band)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Mild Language, Scooby Doo AU, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 01:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7131791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beltenebra/pseuds/Beltenebra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kitayama and the gang contemplate the mysteries of life – mysteries like 'Why exactly was Mr. Jenkins the haunted amusement park owner working with a robot henchman.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Would Scooby Doo?

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for JE Otherworlds 2013. It was a good excuse to try out a wacky premise.

Kitayama couldn't tell you exactly how they ended up solving mysteries. If pressed for a reason he would have to blame the donuts.

It started out as a part-time job with decent (if early) hours and edible benefits. His spacey next door neighbor Tamamori told him they needed people when he mentioned off-hand one morning that he was looking for work. He liked his co-workers -- an oddball assortment of students, people in artistic fields (Fujigaya swore on a weekly basis that his big break into dramas was due any day now), and a couple of guys like himself who were in between real jobs while they figured things out.

He had adjusted to the schedule and more or less gotten used being almost constantly sticky at work and the indignity of the stupid hat. Fujigaya liked to pretend that he still had dignity but Kitayama had been witness to plenty of his and Yokoo's after-hours powdered sugar battles. They usually involved a lot of poking and giggling. There is a limited amount of dignity one can have with powdered sugar on one's nose.

Kitayama also suspected that many of them were hired primarily for their looks. Tamamori was pretty bad at most things that didn't involve being coddled by the shift manager Miyata but he was easy on the eyes and somehow managed great sales numbers. Nikaido and Senga were the students and practically inseparable. On their own they were each perfectly competent but god help anyone who had them both on the same shift.

A couple of months after he started he was working the closing shift with Nikaido, a friend of his from high school happened to stop by. His father worked for a museum that was in the middle of planning a huge Sengoku era warriors exhibit but they were having some problems. He proceeded to spin a tale of a number of strange mishaps revolving around a cursed set of samurai armor that supposedly walked around wreaking havoc on nights with full moons. It was pretty entertaining until he mentioned that his father had gone missing.

Nikaido, who Kitayama wouldn't have pegged as a giant scaredy-cat, decided that the ghost story must be true and that the missing professor must have been done in by the curse. Kitayama was a little more skeptical. To make a long story short, he ended up helping his friend out by investigating a little and of course his nosey co-workers got involved – some more reluctantly than others; Nikaido was proclaiming until the very end that the ghost was definitely going to eat him - and they discovered the truth. The curator was running a smuggling ring, had stashed the professor away in the basement to keep him from revealing him, and was using the ghost to keep everyone away.

Kitayama was happy that he could help his friend and they all got medals for civic duty and that was that. Until another strange story got dropped in their laps. And another. Sometimes the stories came to them through police gossip (it was a donut shop, after all, they got their fair share of that), sometimes people sought them out. They had solved their fair share of mysteries.

* * *

The hidden door led down into a basement tunnel. He suspected it was how the 'ghost' was managing to appear at different places in the building without using any of the visible passages. Kitayama was sure they would find some good evidence down there so down into the dark they went.

He admitted it wasn't the least creepy place they had been. There were cobwebs and strange noises and scuttling in the dark. The group graciously let him lead the way. Nika was pretty much clinging to his back, ducking every time they turned a corner just in case.

He murmured back over his shoulder, "You know it's never _actually_ ghosts, Nika."

The other boy's petulance almost managed to cover the genuinely nervous tremor in his voice. "But it could be."

"Why don't you go to the back if you're that worried. I'm sure Senga will hold your hand."

"So something can grab me and pull me off into the dark without anyone even noticing? _Hell_ no."

Yokoo's voice was quietly disapproving, "Senga, have you been letting him watch horror movies again?"

"You think I could stop him?"

"Besides," Miyata added reasonably, "Ken-chan likes it when Nika ends up in his bed."

Kitayama rolled his eyes as no one bothered to contradict him. He managed to shake Nika off a bit and get a few steps ahead of the crazy when Tamamori made a considering sound.

"Hey, I think I found something. There's a pull string or something here – could be a clue."

Half a second later he saw something pale flash by and felt the gentle whoosh of air ruffle his hair, followed immediately by the soft fwump of something exploding very quietly. He turned to see his entire group liberally dusted in some kind of pale, shimmery powder. They had more or less all taken it right in the face – it had missed him completely.

Even with a face covered in god-knows-what Nikaido couldn't contain his mirth. It was only a few seconds of stunned silence as Kitayama looked at the rest of them and they looked back before Nika was actually doubled over, words wheezing out around his laughter. "You are so fucking short!"

"Shut up, twerp. I'm not _that_ short!"

Kitayama could tell the others weren't adequately convinced. "This floor slopes down! Seriously."

Kitayama bent down to examine the stuff, it looked exactly like the stuff the 'ghost expert' had been trying to convince them was evidence of haunting.

"Looks like some kind of flour mixture, Leader," Miyata commented. "In an ordinary cheesecloth bag. Pretty prosaic for a ghost, don't you think?"

Later on – case all wrapped up – they were discussing the very important subject of celebratory food.

"Definitely Chinese food," Kitayama insisted. "I want Chili Shrimp."

Kitayama rewarded Nika's amused snort with a casual elbow to his gut. "And of course Nika will be ordering chicken. Let's go gang."

* * *

Honestly, sometimes he didn't know why he put up with them. Except that he did.

They were good friends; they were good at what they did. And he wasn't the only one who ended up in uncomfortable situations – far from it. Maybe he was a little mean but sometimes the suffering of his friends was downright hilarious.

Like the thing with the ghost clown. They needed to sneak into the circus after-hours to investigate and the seven of them weren't exactly inconspicuous. What they needed was a distraction and rumor had it that the owner had a particular weakness for pretty girls.

* * *

Fujigaya's irritation was palpable but Kitayama was smart, he let Yokoo break the news -- allowing him to observe the drama from the comfort of the couch all the way on the other side of the room.

"Why do _I_ have to do this?!"

Yokoo met Fujigaya's glare with small smile. "You were unanimously voted most likely to look good in a dress."

"What about Tama? He's pretty."

"Yeah, but he's so..." 

Kitayama watched as Yokoo's eyes slid over to Tamamori. The other boy was rummaging through his bag, presumably for his hairbrush given the way he was reprimanding 'brush-san' for being difficult to find. He could practically see the progression of thought flit across Yokoo's features. _Dumb? No... Crazy? No. Ill-suited for situations requiring critical thinking skills?_ "-tall."

"If it helps we could call you a girl name." Miyata was just trying to be helpful. Fujigaya narrowed his eyes dangerously and Miyata had the good sense to find somewhere else he needed to be.

Senga, who for some reason was on roller skates – who the hell thought it was ok to let Nika and Senga have access to roller skates?! - zoomed by, blowing the grumpy Fujigaya a kiss, "Daphne-chan!"

Yokoo managed to keep his voice mild and even though he failed to hide his smirk, "I think Senga's already picked one out."

"How about I burn that hideous orange turtleneck you love so much."

"It wouldn't change the fact that you look good in a dress, Taisuke." 

Kitayama had to admit Yokoo's ability to completely ignore the vitriol in Fujigaya's voice was impressive. Even he might have backed off at that point but Yokoo just tilted his head and poofed Fujigaya's hair thoughtfully. "You know, if I do this right, you won't even need a wig."

"I hate you all. You all smell." Fujigaya crossed his arms with a huff and Kitayama knew Yokoo had won. "It had better be a pink dress. If we're going to do this, we're doing it right. And get me some tights, I'm not shaving my legs."

* * *

They ran into a lot of strange, seemingly unexplainable phenomenon that almost always ended up being perfectly explainable after all. Cursed masks, werewolves, phantoms, and mind-controlling robots... they were all just elaborate hoaxes. All they had to do was keep being smarter than the bad guys.

Sometimes though, he got the feeling that things were a little too tidy, that things worked out a bit too well. None of the mysteries seemed to take more than a few days to solve. And they always managed to get out of some pretty dangerous situations without anyone getting hurt. Unless you counted Nikaido's frequent claims that he was being scared to death. Which they didn't.

It was just little things. Tamamori would slip and fall in a dramatic and amusing fashion and for a fleeting second there would be a feeling in the air like distant laughter that had all of them cocking their heads and listening. Or someone would say something completely strange for no reason.

They were in a theoretically haunted opera house looking for clues. They had reached a dead end and were all pretty frustrated. Miyata and Fujigaya were examining the blank wall where the hallway ended abruptly, convinced that there was some kind of button or catch. The rest of them were hanging back, mostly staying out of the way.

Yokoo crossed his arms with a sigh, slumping up against the featureless wall, when his sleeve caught on of the elaborate candelabra. As he pulled back, the metal shifted like a lever and the wall swung open on smooth, hidden hinges revealing a secret room.

Yokoo jumped back, eyes wide with surprise. "Jinkies!"

The door was forgotten for a moment as the rest of them stared at him – bewildered.

Senga tilted his head inquisitively, "What are jinkies? Are they some kind of candy?"

'I don't know why I said that." Yokoo sounded annoyed at his inability to answer. "I've never said that before in my life. What does that even _mean_?"

No one had an answer for him of course but there was still a mystery to solve and room full of evidence to explore so the moment passed and they all got back to the business at hand.

* * *

Sure, their lives weren't exactly normal but they were good at what they did. And there was always another mystery to solve. Like today. They had been looking into a new case and Kitayama had a hunch that they were just about ready to crack it.

He could see the whole plan forming behind his eyes. The set-up of the old abandoned factory, the perfect way to arrange the ropes and pulleys to stop the 'Evil River Spirit' in its tracks, and the wind machine that would ruin the perpetrator's disguise and expose Old Man Palmer as the culprit. Miyata and Tama could help him with the set-up while Watta and Taipi made sure the police and Palmer's son were there to witness the whole thing. He would have to count on Nika and Senga for guard duty. Senga could keep Nika from wussing out. Probably.

He glanced over at the pair who were deeply involved in a complicated game of 'how many gummies can Senga catch in his mouth in a row'. They did well until a question from Watta pulled his attention away. The edible projectile hit Fujigaya right between the eyes and they all did a pretty bad at hiding their snickers at his disgusted expression.

"What are you, some kind of trained dog doing tricks for snacks?"

Which of course just made Senga grin and lean in to lick a fat stripe up his cheek. Fujigaya's horrified shriek proved too much for them and their 'staff meeting' erupted into guffaws.

He waited until the laughter died down and Fujigaya had moved to a seat on Yokoo's other side before he cleared his throat, signaling that he was ready to get down to business. He caught the eyes of his friends, calm and annoyed and challenging and affectionate, and uttered the words that featured in nearly all of their adventures, "Ok gang, I have a plan."

And this time maybe, if he could keep Senga's exuberance from setting off the trap by accident and Tama focused on the plan and Miyacchi focused on something other than Tama and everyone else on track... just maybe, they'd pull it off without a hitch.


End file.
